BAAACK!!!

Hello, reader.  How are you?  Traipsing through the internet again?  Have you wandered here during another pre-study procrastination ritual ultimately leading to various what-if GPA calculations?  Don’t bother, because although the formulas may equal the number 2 followed by a decimal followed by another smallish number, exactly none of them equals a parent’s pride.

Or are your college days behind you?  Are you sitting at a cubicle, hunched over a homemade ham sandwich; siphoning off a few moments of free time from ACME Inc.’s network bandwidth?  Look at that sandwich.  Feel the weight of its soggy shame in your hands.  It has that soda can indentation again from being carried together in the paper sack, doesn’t it?  Of course it does, you pathetic bastard.

Although the unrelenting series of heartbeats and respirations you call a life may not have exceeded your expectations thus far, you may seek some solace in its small pleasures.  For the next 131 seconds you may live vicariously through the base runner’s experience, fraught with tense moments of public hesitation, uncertainty, and fear of letting others down.  Much like your wretched existence, probably.  So watch the video and then decide at each pivotal, paused moment whether the pitcher will pitch to home or attempt to pick you off, resulting in urgent howls of “BAAACK!” from your dugout.  Then, when your wistful daydream reaches its sad conclusion, sigh quietly to yourself, close your internetting browser, and produce another widget for The Man.

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