JEtbLue pArk, The Singularity, and The Apocalypse

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Return visitors here know the BBB takes kindly to a lot of things, but Red Sox Nation ain’t one of ’em.  However, like a doomsday cult leader the morning after The Big Day, we are amenable to new interpretations.  In light of the rescheduled apocalypse, we went about the delightful task of securing spring training tickets for this coming February (YAY!).  


While engaged in this wildly giddy task, we were presented with even greater delights in the form of sweet, sweet technological advance.  You see, it is now possible to comparison shop for seats at JEtbLue pArk.  Just click on one of the sections located here, and you will be transported, as if by a magical comet ride, to the spring training home of Red Sox Nation in Fort Myers, Florida.  


Is your seat in the shade?  Is it near the aisle, or in the first row of the section, perhaps?  Technology can provide us these answers now.  So, on the day of the real apocalypse, be comforted by that fact even while the snake god Kukulkan emerges from his stone temple and tears the flesh from your skeleton, sending it headlong into the abyss, and then into The Singularity, and then back into the abyss once more, with feeling.

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Red Sox Fans are Vile People

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Click to magnify the transgressors’ drunken scrawls.

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The fact that Red Sox fans are ruthless, vulgar, and cause trouble has been previously articulated. The official BBB photographer captured pictorial evidence in support of this fact Saturday at the inaugural game of JEtbLue pArk, the Red Sox shimmering new spring training home in Fort Myers, Florida. Unsurprisingly, the Red Sox fans, known for their poor impulse control and general wickedness, saw fit to defile the pristine yellow foul pole marking the divide between what is allowed and what is not. It surprises the author Red Sox Nation even installed such a structure, given its apparent disregard for boundaries of any nature and its repudiation of The Social Contract. As my Meemaw used to say, “Fools’ names and fools’ faces often appear in public places.” If Meemaw were alive today, she would no doubt have stern words for the tanked up hooligans atop Green Monster South.

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