Midget Wrestling

McKechnie Field, Sat. July 14, 2012

McKechnie Field, Sat. July 14, 2012

I know you, reader.  I know you are a true sophisticate, refined in taste and reserved in demeanor.  At the conclusion of the evening, you’ll retire with your port, vintage of course, to the study with other aesthetes of patrician society to discuss pressing matters like who, to a greater extent, achieved both darkness and smoldering darkness, Bang Tango’s Joe Leste or The Cult’s Ian Astbury.

However, consider this insidious question:  If, at the entrance to your elegantly understated entertainment destination of the evening, you were kato picapproached by a stranger and informed of the whereabouts and the whoabouts of a free midget fight, would you attend that engagement instead?  If that same free midget fight were to muscle itself, bald and screaming and moist, as if thrust from raw humanity’s birth canal, into the clutch of a baseball double-header at lovely McKechnie Field in Bradenton, then the path laid out before you is clear.  Midgets and baseball it is!

As always, the video is a rousing, smashing success because the software used to create it tells us so.

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Florida Baseball Foliage

Attention all Florida minor league, spring training, and major league baseball landscapers.  There are many species of palm trees, some more pleasing to the eye than others.  Please refer to the images below when ordering new palm trees.  That is all.

Bright House Field, Clearwater, FL

Bright House Field, Clearwater, FL

mckechnie

trop

ugly

(I would not dare sully the good name of this ballpark, a grande dame of Florida baseball.  So, its identity shall remain concealed as it is otherwise quaint, historic, and no longer home to any major or minor league teams.  It did, however, host a recent baseball tournament.)

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The Bradenton Marauders Logo is Dead Sexy

McKechnie Field, Bradenton, FL

McKechnie Field, Bradenton, FL

The Bradenton Marauders logo is dead sexy.  It uses the same black and yellow color scheme as the MLB parent organization Pittsburgh Pirates and plays with the same pillage-and-plunder motif to boot.  This finely crafted logo piqued my interest in graphic design and compelled me to investigate the principles of this persuasive black art.  An exhaustive Google search of at least 5 seconds led me to Andrew Mundi’s excellent presentation describing the Principles of Graphic Design.  Here I found the incantations necessary for creating such a striking image.  Would you care to join me upstairs for a nightcap as I reveal its secrets?

Bradenton Marauders logoThe topmost internal contour suggests the female breast and the composition of the B contains soft, gentle curves accented by two seductive apices, each contributing to a lively rhythm of excited anticipation.  An enlarged serif at the base extends outward and downward, with a rakish confidence.  The visual language of the logo is stable, front-oriented, thick, large, and overstated.  The incongruous color harmony of black and yellow portends danger; taboo, if you will.  Finally, a columnal stem of ample girth marks the script typography and hints at penetration of a narrow opening.

Now listen, Marauders B may embody these characteristics but he has no time for academics.  In fact, he has no more time for you.  Marauders B will never cuddle in bed and watch The Office with you.  Marauders B will break your heart.  Marauders B has tattoos he regrets, but he would never admit that to you.  Marauders B never wears an undershirt and always leaves the top three buttons undone.  Marauders B’s beard is perpetually three days long and smells of the finest spiced rum.  You dare not ask Marauders B if he applies eye liner or if those eyes are naturally sultry.  Marauders B no longer returns Lana Del Rey’s calls.  The fields in his native homeland smell of olives and jasmine.  Rumor is he killed a man there, and that man did not deserve to die.  Two weeks from now, when he mistakenly calls you, Marauders B won’t give a damn if your sister is in town and just broke up with her boyfriend.  You’re coming over tonight and you better be wearing that top he likes.  You know, the sexy one.  Marauders B will plunder your hidden treasures.  Like the oaken barrels that mellow his rum, Marauders B’s soul is charred.

pirate

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